If someone you love is struggling with substance use but refuses treatment, you may feel stuck between wanting to help and knowing you cannot make the decision for them. You can still have an important role in what happens next.
Watching someone you love struggle with drugs or alcohol can leave you feeling scared, frustrated, and unsure of what to do next. You may see changes in their behavior that they do not seem to recognize. You may have tried talking to them, only to hear that they do not have a problem or are not ready for treatment.
You cannot force someone to accept help in most situations. However, you can let your loved one know that you care, set healthy boundaries, and keep the door open when they are ready. Family support can play an important role in connecting someone with treatment and supporting recovery.
Signs Your Loved One May Need Help
Substance use does not always look the same from one person to another. Your loved one may continue going to work, taking care of responsibilities, or maintaining relationships while their drug or alcohol use becomes increasingly concerning.
Some signs that it may be time for professional help include:
- Drinking or using drugs more often or in larger amounts
- Trying to cut back but being unable to do so
- Experiencing strong cravings
- Neglecting work, school, family, or other responsibilities
- Withdrawing from friends or activities they once enjoyed
- Experiencing noticeable changes in mood or behavior
- Continuing to use despite problems caused by substance use
- Taking risks while under the influence
- Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when they stop using
You may also notice that your loved one is spending more time obtaining, using, or recovering from a substance. The changes may be gradual, which can make it difficult to know when to step in.
What If They Refuse Treatment?
Your first instinct may be to argue with your loved one, list everything their substance use has cost them, or give them an ultimatum. While those reactions are understandable, a heated confrontation may cause them to shut down.
Instead, try to approach the conversation with concern rather than blame.
Choose a time when your loved one is sober, and you both have privacy. Tell them what you have noticed and how it has affected you. Be specific. Rather than saying, “You need to get your life together,” you might say, “I’ve noticed you’ve missed work several times, and I’m worried about you.”
Ask open-ended questions and listen to the answers. Always try to approach these conversations with kindness, curiosity, and without judgment. It may take more than one conversation before someone is willing to consider treatment.
You can also:
- Avoid trying to shame them. Addiction is a health condition, not a character flaw. Criticism may make it harder for your loved one to be honest with you.
- Offer practical help. If they become willing to seek treatment, offer to make a phone call, help find a program, provide transportation, or go with them to an appointment.
- Set boundaries. Supporting someone does not mean protecting them from every consequence of their substance use. Decide what you are and are not willing to do, and communicate those limits clearly.
- Keep the conversation open. A refusal today does not necessarily mean a refusal forever. Let your loved one know you care and will help when they are ready.
- Take care of yourself. Supporting someone with a substance use disorder can take an emotional toll. Be sure to make your own health and support a priority, including seeking counseling or a support group when needed.
How Can You Seek Professional Help?
You do not have to wait for your loved one to agree to treatment before getting information yourself.
Reach out to a treatment center, healthcare provider, or addiction professional and explain what you have been seeing. You can ask about treatment options, what to expect, and how to approach your loved one.
At Mountain Laurel Recovery Center in Westfield, PA, you can reach out to learn more about treatment options and determine whether the program may be appropriate for your loved one. Learning about care before your loved one is ready can help you respond more confidently when that moment comes.
If your loved one is in immediate danger, has overdosed, is experiencing a medical emergency, or may hurt themselves or someone else, seek emergency help rather than trying to manage the situation on your own. In a mental health or substance use crisis, you can also call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
You Can Help Without Doing Everything for Them
It is painful to watch someone you love struggle, especially when they refuse the help you believe they need. Remember that you can offer support without taking responsibility for their recovery.
If you are concerned about a loved one’s substance use, contact us to learn more about treatment options. You do not have to figure out how to help on your own.